Well, I am not really sure if this can be considered a conflict, but it is definitely not a good experience for me.
This incident happened on a boring Saturday afternoon when my friend, A, and I met up for lunch. As it was still early to return home, we decided to play something childish- “Truth or Dare”, in which none of us can choose Truth. In other words, it was a game of dare. When it was my turn, I had to make this person (who happened to call me within the next 20min) believed that while hanging out with A, A abandoned me at the spot and I was not able to reach him. Besides, my bag was in A’s car and I had to retrieve it for I had an important appointment in half an hours’ time.
It happened in the 19th minute, my friend, B called. Not being a wet blanket, I decided to play the prank on him. B fell for it and was very concerned and worried about me. B helped, by contacting A for me and of course, A did not pick up. B even had the intention of taking a cab down, hoping to help me out. My conscience pricked, and I apologized immediately and told him the truth. I thought the worst scenario was to get a scolding from him. But it was far more than that. He got very angry and hurt, and said, “I know I am very silly and stupid, and I trust people easily. I know anyone could lie to me, but I thought you will be different- someone whom I can really trust and talk to. But it proves that I’m wrong, utterly wrong. It just shows that I am even more stupid than I thought I am.” I was shocked when I heard that.
I tried apologizing and explaining to B, but he could not accept them all. His refusal to pick up my call and talk to me made me feel really guilty. After much effort, B finally accepted my apologies and forgave me. However, there are still times where I could sense we are no longer as close as we used to be. B even told me that his heart aches, whenever he recalled about the incident.
Previously, I thought it was simply a prank and one could let it go easily after some buffer time. But I was too naïve; to think that the harm inflicted can be easily amended by apologizing. Now then I realized that relationship be it friendship, love or sisterhood can be very fragile. What was done cannot be undone. I felt really guilty and I didn’t know how to face B when we mentioned about this issue. What should I do? Should I sit back and do nothing, and simply allow time to wash those unhappy memories away? Or I should be more proactive and do something to salvage this friendship?
5 comments:
If you ask me, that was a stupid mistake. I think you have to put in effort into improving your friendship with B since you still value it. He may say that he forgives you, but you might have to give him time to get over his hurt feelings? Unfortunately I can't think of any solution now..
Well first, I feel Sharon's comment is very very harsh. Got to brush up on your interpersonal skills I guess.
Xiaotong, really feel bad that this had to happen on you. If I were you I would feel quite guilty too. Sometimes we do make mistakes and it will stay. I suppose now only time can help. Continue to be apologetic and after sometime, given your nice character, will help this matter.
btw, this sentence "Now then I realized that relationship be it friendship, love or sisterhood can be very fragile. " has some structure problem, sounds like chinese.
Trust in any sort of relationship is very important, once gone, it is very hard to recover. That said, you already have apologised, I believe quite sincerely, and I don't see any more you can do.
"Time does not heal all wounds. It does however, mercifully blunt the edges". Let it go and recover the trust in some other way.
This is a clear and concise scenario. Ouch!
Thanks, XiaoTong, for sharing it with us!
Stupid mistake: wrong game and wrong receiver at the wrong time (i.e. a series of unfortunate coincidences).
Frankly speaking, it is not your fault. It was an unfortunate incident: a normally-harmless game causing unnecessary hurt to a sensitive friend who happened to call just at that time... it could not have been avoided... unless you had not played that game?
To me it feels like B is over-reacting (but I may be wrong about it!). Allow him to get over it in his own time. The problem lies with his own perception now.
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