Guilt

Well, I am not really sure if this can be considered a conflict, but it is definitely not a good experience for me.

This incident happened on a boring Saturday afternoon when my friend, A, and I met up for lunch. As it was still early to return home, we decided to play something childish- “Truth or Dare”, in which none of us can choose Truth. In other words, it was a game of dare. When it was my turn, I had to make this person (who happened to call me within the next 20min) believed that while hanging out with A, A abandoned me at the spot and I was not able to reach him. Besides, my bag was in A’s car and I had to retrieve it for I had an important appointment in half an hours’ time.

It happened in the 19^th minute, my friend, B called. Not being a wet blanket, I decided to play the prank on him. B fell for it and was very concerned and worried about me. B helped, by contacting A for me and of course, A did not pick up. B even had the intention of taking a cab down, hoping to help me out. My conscience pricked, and I apologized immediately and told him the truth. I thought the worst scenario was to get a scolding from him. But it was far more than that. He got very angry and hurt, and said, “I know I am very silly and stupid, and I trust people easily. I know anyone could lie to me, but I thought you will be different- someone whom I can really trust and talk to. But it proves that I’m wrong, utterly wrong. It just shows that I am even more stupid than I thought I am.” I was shocked when I heard that.

I tried apologizing and explaining to B, but he could not accept them all. His refusal to pick up my call and talk to me made me feel really guilty. After much effort, B finally accepted my apologies and forgave me. However, there are still times where I could sense we are no longer as close as we used to be. B even told me that his heart aches, whenever he recalled about the incident.

Previously, I thought it was simply a prank and one could let it go easily after some buffer time. But I was too naïve; to think that the harm inflicted can be easily amended by apologizing. Now then I realized that relationship be it friendship, love or sisterhood can be very fragile. What was done cannot be undone. I felt really guilty and I didn’t know how to face B when we mentioned about this issue. What should I do? Should I sit back and do nothing, and simply allow time to wash those unhappy memories away? Or I should be more proactive and do something to salvage this friendship?

New faces, New friends

Heard of this saying “No man is an island on its own”? Well, I guess most people do. It is inevitable that everywhere you go and whatever you do, you’ll bound to meet someone, something. Often, we see new faces, we meet new friends. But how often do we reach out to them, or taking the initiative to communicate with them, getting them into your conversation?

I remember in the first week of my last vacation job, I knew no one in the office (well, except my manager). I could hardly find anyone to talk to or clear my doubts, as everyone seemed to be in a bad mood, pulling long faces or in stern expression. I dare not even ask questions that were faced in my work. During lunch time, I had lunch with my department staffs, and they too, talked about things and topics that I do not understand at all – work-related and work-related-people. I was not sure if it was me being over-sensitive or they are just being who they are - unfriendly and fierce. Their actions hurt me (well, only for the first week). I felt left out and unwanted as I could not clique in to their conversation. If it was not for the contract that I had signed, I guess I would have quit the job.

Anyway, that was only for the first week of the job. As I get to know my colleagues better, I realized that they are really nice people and are not as unfriendly as they seemed to be. They just do not know how to express themselves to new faces and how to get them involve into their conversation without feeling awkward. If they had treated me better and nicer right from the first day of my work, I guess I would not have this wrong impression of them, or even have the thought of quitting the job. From this incident, I told myself that I would not want to be like any of them – giving people this unfriendly and fierce impression to new friends.

I guess effective communication is what I need to master- learning how to reach out to different people in different occasions and situations, and how to establish a rapport with someone new. Nevertheless, said is always easier than done. Just hope that by the end of the semester I could grab hold of the gist of effective communication, and not turn out to be one of them.